Stupid sisters!

Mom got some bad news about Lavy. She has cancer. Mast Cell Neoplasm.

According to mom its a very agressive, rare form of cancer and of course Lavy would be the one to get it, because she always has to be so DARN difficult.

Mom says that she is not sure how much longer she is going to be with us, but that mom is going to everything she can to keep Lavy happy and healthy. Lavy gets to go on a road trip with Dr. Dean on Friday. MAN! How come she gets to do everything fun??? Though mom says its not going to be fun because she is actually going to see very expensive vets and have her body scanned. Couldnt they just take her to the airport to do that??

Although Lavy is a pain, I really do think that she has been a good sister and if she doesnt make it (I cant bring myself to say the "d" word), I will be sad. But I will be okay, because I have to be for mom.

Can you send good thoughts to my sissy and my mom. Mom is worried but is trying NOT to show it. She thinks she is soooo tough. We know the truth though.

WHAT????

Mom was off for over a month...almost two actually. She actually had the NERVE to go back to work and lock Lavy and I in jail crates. She is a bad mom. Someone needs to alert the ASPCA, HSUS, PETA, IRS, CIA, FBI....any will do...JUST HELP ME!

So we accidently got out of our crates the other day and did a little redecorating...we cant help it. Lavy and I have a different idea than mom on how the house should look...we were just trying to help is all. She should have been GRATEFUL! Some people...There is just no pleasing them.

I am really not liking other dogs at all these days. They just run up into my face and it scares me. Mom is trying to help me to like new dogs again, but its hard for me. I want to please her, but I dont really want to be friends with anyone new. I have Lavy (though replacing her with some cute German Shepard would be FINE by me) and my cousins (Auntie Michelle's "kids"), what do I need more friends for?

Because Lavy MADE me help her redecorate the house, I have a feeling that Santa Paws it going to pass RIGHT over our house...if that happens I am SOOO going to get her. No kidding.

Well...I should really get back to writing my letters about the abuse that takes place in this house. It is truly distrubing.

Woof. Woof.
Ollie The Beaten

Its hard work - Ollie's Training Tips Volume #1

Because mom is a dog trainer, I have to work for my food. And let me tell you, its not easy.

So from a dogs perspective, let me tell you some things about "dog" training....

1. Be patient. We dont know what you want. Remember that you are speaking gibberish to us and until you show me what you want, I dont know what it is that you are telling me. Us pups dont come out preprogrammed with commands.

2. Help us. If we dont get it and stare at you blankly, help us. Sometimes we forget what we have already learned and we need you to be patient and for you to show us again. Us pups are silly that way. Seriously.

3. Feed us. The easiest way for us to do what you want is with bribery (aka food). Ever hear the saying "Will work for food"? Well, us dogs live and DIE by that saying. Sometimes we need really good food like steak. Scratch that, we ALWAYS need really good food...so always feed us steak.

4. Praise us. I personally love when mom talks to me in that squeeky high pitched voice...I forget myself as a mutt-ure young man and practically flip myself inside out. You should see Lavy when mom talks to her like that, its embarrasing. Seriously.

So those are the basics....stay tuned for more helpful tips from a dogs point of view...its about time someone set humans straight, I think that I am the dog for the job!! Besides Lavy is much too young and inexperienced (never mind the fact that she is a stupid girl).

Woof. Woof.

Professor Oliver P. Twist

Catching up...

In case you didnt know, I live in Wisconsin. Do you know what that means? It means that it is COLD here. It also means that I have to wear jackets to keep warm. Which normally wouldnt be a problem because, after all, I have a good mom. She keeps Lav and I in nice warm jackets.

However, Lavender would be the problem. She keeps destroying my jackets. First she chewed a hole in a my warm fleecy one, then she chewed my black winter jacket right OFF of me. I mean, seriously, I dont mess with her jackets. I may start though. Damn girl.

Mom has been home alot. I like it, though when she leaves I get really sad. Primarly because I get put in jail my house.

Mom also made it so that I have my own jail house in the truck. That I really like, because I dont like share with Lavender all the time.

Well thats all for now...going to find something of Lavy's to wreck.

Grounded

I have been grounded. Shocking, I know.

I wasnt even that bad...ALL I did was help Lavy chew buttons off moms blazer and then got caught watching Lavy tear the comforter to shreds. Lavy convinced mom that I was in on the whole thing, so we both got grounded.

See....more proof that sisters are BAD.

Its been a good two weeks though, because mom has been home and spending a lot of time with us. Thats about to change, cause she found a new job...better paying too, so you know what that means? MORE TREATS FOR ME! Treats are gooo-oooo-oooood!

I am kind of glad that mom is going back to work though, because then I get to use the computer again...she has kind of been a computer hog all this time.

I have to find a way to conspire with my friendly Riley on how to escape, because apparently HIS parents want to get him a sister too...poor dog!

Woof. Woof.
Ollie Pants

Made it!

It was a very eventful weekend.

First - Mom adopted Lavender on Friday. VERY upsetting news. I will live. hopefully. Then I got to spend the evening at Auntie Michelle's house. It was so much fun to play with all my friends. It was hard to settle down, but I finally managed.

Then - I rode in a truck in a crate with Lavender for 10 hours. TEN HOURS. Mom and Auntie Michelle were taking us to a dog auction. At first I was afraid that she was going to sell me, but then I was *hoping* that she was going to sell Lavender. Neither happened. Though every time mom came to the truck, I would try to push Lav out. Lav and I did get on TV, but mom was NOT happy about that. Apparently they portrayed us as coming from the auction and as puppy-mill dogs. Mom took care of them and the video is no longer available. I was thinking about getting an agent...apparently THAT wont be happening now. THANKS, mom!

Lastly - We stayed at Auntie Michelle's Saturday night. We were all pretty tired and mom was asleep before I was. But she burns out easy. We went over to Auntie Polly's on Sunday. We sat in the truck. Why does mom think it is fun for us to just sit in the truck all day??? I think I am going to take her somewhere and leave HER in the truck. Bet she wouldn't like that one bit.

Finally - Dad came over to drop some of moms stuff off last night. He threw my frisbee for me a few times. Then he knelt down told me goodbye and told me to be a good boy for momma. He looked sad. I don't think I am going to see him again. Mom was crying. I don't like when mom cries....no. I. don't.

Well, that's all I got....at least I made it home from the auction and didn't up being sold. That would have been VERY bad.

Off to plot ways to loose Lavendy.

Woof. Woof.
Ollie Miester

Outta HERE

It’s official.

Lavender is staying.

I am leaving. Packing my bags and I am OUTTA here. Not sure where I should go. Maybe I will just travel around for a while, living off my trust fund, bum around Europe (where exactly IS Europe?)…kinda like Snoopy. I will probably go to California for a while and be a surfer dude, plus I probably won’t have to wear jackets out there to keep warm.

Do you think I can walk there? Can’t be that far. Right?

Okay, maybe I will stay. I really like my mom; she is good to me and loves me up all the time. Plus she might be a little sad if I were to leave. But Lavender. Sigh. The things that a dog has to deal with, it really is too much sometimes. Truly.

Mom says that she is “paying” for Lav on Friday. Maybe I will steal her wallet then she won’t have any money to pay for her. Where do you think she keeps her wallet? In that brown bag thing she carries around. Sometimes that thing slips of her shoulder and bangs me in the head when she is walking me. I don’t like that. I may have to chew it up.

I guess I am resigned to having a little sister. I suppose that is okay. I like to snuggle with her in the crate and she is fun to play with. When she gets annoying, I will just tell mom to put her away. That sounds kinda menacing doesn’t it? Not my intention at all. Nope. Not. at. all.

Mom is such a softy. Could someone PLEASE tell Auntie Michelle that mom CANNOT take any more “fosters” because they just end up being “permanents”. Seriously. We are CLOSED.

I am going to need therapy.

Off to plot how to sell Lavy. Any ideas????

Woof. Woof.

Ollie the big brother (not by choice)

Presents!

Mom was gone all day yesterday, but I think she went somewhere good AND I think that it involved dog stuff. Actually I am fairly certain it involved dog stuff.

Mom had Dad come over and let us out in the afternoon, it was good to see Dad. I don’t get to see him much anymore. I think I am from a broken home. I may need therapy.

When Mom got home she had bags and bags of stuff. I went mad sniffing them all, because I KNEW that there had to be presents in them for me. At first I was just glad to have mom home, but then I wanted to know what was in the bags.

As she unpacked each item, I sniffed inspected them. I don’t think mom really saw the need for my help or appreciated it. She kept pushing me away and telling me to get, but I wanted to make sure nothing got by me everything was safe.

I did get some presents though. A gay really cool polar fleece jacket. A Frisbee and a DVD to help mom throw a Frisbee without being a dork in a professional manner. Lots and lots of food that I gladly will not share with Lavy.

On another note, I am going to go back to some hard core training. I have been kind of bad with other dogs lately and that makes mom really sad. Both Auntie Michelle and Mom are worried that if I don’t straighten up soon, they may have to send me to the bridge. I am not ready to go visit Uncle Elmo yet, so I am going to work really hard with mom to be a better dog.

Sorry it is has been so long since I blogged...I’m a busy guy.

Love ya!
Woof. Woof.
Ollie Miester

Its gotta end...

Mom has to do some thing about Lavy and she needs to do it NOW!

This morning mom took Lavy and I out for the usual potty stop before our days in the jail cells crates. We ran around a little bit, and then I had to stop and take a poo. All of the sudden, Lavy runs up, grabs my leash and tries to drag me away…I wasn’t even FINISHED yet. Mom was laughing so hard, she was crying. A lot of help she is!

I mean COME ONE…I can’t even POOP in peace???? Sheesh!!!! Do you need anymore proof that girls are stupid???? I think not.

When we go out when mom gets home at the end of the day mom gives us tennis balls to play with. I get the yellow one, Lav gets the red one. Easy to remember, right? APPARENTLY NOT! Lavy ALWAYS tries to steal my ball…it’s MY ball. Does mom do anything about it????? NOOOOOO!!!! More examples of how girls are stupid, Mom not included.

I may have to pack up my things and move to California to be with my Grandparents and Auntie. I know that they would treat me much better never torment me.

I am going to go plot my escape trip from this hell hole wonderful place to California…do you think I will like it there?

Woof. Woof.

Ollie the Vagabond.

Weekend catch ups....

Mom took Lavender and I to the Elmbrook Humane Society Wag Walk. That’s were both of us came from. Mom was hoping to get an application on Lavender, but no such luck.

We talked to a pet psychic. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. She said that Lavy is not sure if she is staying or not because mom won’t make up her mind. She also said that Lavy is really forward and brave. All very very true statements.

She even talked about me. She said that I am very silly and love attention. She said that I love to be with mom and can’t stand for her to be out of my site when we are at events. Also very true statements.

I was in a couple of contests. The first one was the tallest dog. Which I had BY A MILE…but they gave it to a different dog because he was fatter…SO not fair. However, I did win the best trick contest. I made “deals” with mom. Instead of giving paw, I make “deals”. If mom wants my left paw she says “Make a Deal”, if she wants my right paw she says “seal the deal” and if she wants both paws she says “Double the deal”. I also took a bow. Apparently it was all very good and cute, because I won. I got a great big treat that mom has not let me have yet.

My friend Riley was at the event too. Mom trains his people how to be good dog parents. For some reason they really like mom, I just can’t figure out why. It was fun to see Riley out of work…we had a nice chat.

Mom took us swimming in the lake afterwards to cool off, that was loads of fun. Though Lavy bit my tennis ball in half and it sunk. OF COURSE she didn’t wreck HERS, only mine! Why do girls have to be so mean??? Seriously!!!

Lavy and I were both really tired after the event and slept the afternoon away with mom, but then she made us go back out to a street fair. It was too crowded so we went to a doggy event, but it was over by the time we got there. That was okay…I was tired of walking any ways.

On another note…I am back in a crate today and I am NOT happy about it. But I got myself in trouble because the cops came and talked to mom Sunday morning. It seems I was barking talking too loudly on Monday morning. Someone had to call and tell on me…that is NOT very nice at all. That’s okay because my neighbor dog got in trouble too!!! At least mom only got a warning this time. She seems to think that if I am in my crate I won’t want to bark as much…I guess I should just be a good dog and keep my yap SHUT!

I am going to read the newspaper now.

Woof. Woof.

Ollie Pants