Its hard work - Ollie's Training Tips Volume #1

Because mom is a dog trainer, I have to work for my food. And let me tell you, its not easy.

So from a dogs perspective, let me tell you some things about "dog" training....

1. Be patient. We dont know what you want. Remember that you are speaking gibberish to us and until you show me what you want, I dont know what it is that you are telling me. Us pups dont come out preprogrammed with commands.

2. Help us. If we dont get it and stare at you blankly, help us. Sometimes we forget what we have already learned and we need you to be patient and for you to show us again. Us pups are silly that way. Seriously.

3. Feed us. The easiest way for us to do what you want is with bribery (aka food). Ever hear the saying "Will work for food"? Well, us dogs live and DIE by that saying. Sometimes we need really good food like steak. Scratch that, we ALWAYS need really good food...so always feed us steak.

4. Praise us. I personally love when mom talks to me in that squeeky high pitched voice...I forget myself as a mutt-ure young man and practically flip myself inside out. You should see Lavy when mom talks to her like that, its embarrasing. Seriously.

So those are the basics....stay tuned for more helpful tips from a dogs point of view...its about time someone set humans straight, I think that I am the dog for the job!! Besides Lavy is much too young and inexperienced (never mind the fact that she is a stupid girl).

Woof. Woof.

Professor Oliver P. Twist

Catching up...

In case you didnt know, I live in Wisconsin. Do you know what that means? It means that it is COLD here. It also means that I have to wear jackets to keep warm. Which normally wouldnt be a problem because, after all, I have a good mom. She keeps Lav and I in nice warm jackets.

However, Lavender would be the problem. She keeps destroying my jackets. First she chewed a hole in a my warm fleecy one, then she chewed my black winter jacket right OFF of me. I mean, seriously, I dont mess with her jackets. I may start though. Damn girl.

Mom has been home alot. I like it, though when she leaves I get really sad. Primarly because I get put in jail my house.

Mom also made it so that I have my own jail house in the truck. That I really like, because I dont like share with Lavender all the time.

Well thats all for now...going to find something of Lavy's to wreck.

Grounded

I have been grounded. Shocking, I know.

I wasnt even that bad...ALL I did was help Lavy chew buttons off moms blazer and then got caught watching Lavy tear the comforter to shreds. Lavy convinced mom that I was in on the whole thing, so we both got grounded.

See....more proof that sisters are BAD.

Its been a good two weeks though, because mom has been home and spending a lot of time with us. Thats about to change, cause she found a new job...better paying too, so you know what that means? MORE TREATS FOR ME! Treats are gooo-oooo-oooood!

I am kind of glad that mom is going back to work though, because then I get to use the computer again...she has kind of been a computer hog all this time.

I have to find a way to conspire with my friendly Riley on how to escape, because apparently HIS parents want to get him a sister too...poor dog!

Woof. Woof.
Ollie Pants